Finding Forever Read online

  Alec decided he would rest his eyes for a few minutes during the movie, but the next thing he was aware of was Gareth shaking him by the shoulders.

  “Movie’s over, mate. Time for bed,” he heard Gareth say through the fog of a half-sleep.

  “Yeah, sure,” Alec mumbled in reply, but he could not bring himself to move. He stayed on the sofa, drifting in and out of sleep, vaguely aware that his friends were cleaning up but too exhausted to get up to help. The last thing he was aware of before becoming completely dead to the world was a warm blanket settling on him.

  Chapter Nine

  “DAMN, this is getting to be a bad habit,” Alec muttered to himself when his mobile went off and he found himself waking up on the sofa again. He groped for the phone attached to his belt and pressed it to his ear without looking.

  “Hullo,” he grunted.

  “Hullo yourself, grumpy,” Aunt Jo said from the other end. “How’s Peter doing?”

  “Oh, hi, Aunt Jo,” Alec answered in a bleary voice. “He’s still in intensive care. When I saw him yesterday, he wasn’t doing very well, so they made me leave,” Alec said soberly.

  “Oh, I’m sorry to hear that, but I’m sure he’ll be getting stronger every day,” Aunt Jo said encouragingly. “Alec, I called because your parents are wondering what’s happened to you. I’ve been keeping them busy, but you should call them, dear.”

  Alec lay down on the sofa again and ran a tired hand across his face. “I will, Aunt Jo. I’ll call them today.” In the next breath, he said, “Aunt Jo? Remember when I asked you about love? Well, I think I figured out the answer, and I’m going to talk to Mum and Dad.”

  “I’m glad to hear that, sweetheart,” Jo said warmly. “They love you very much. I’m sure everything will be all right. Love you, dear. I’ll talk to you later.”

  After speaking with his Aunt Jo, Alec took a deep breath and dialed his mum. “Hello, Mum? I’m fine. About the other day… I’d like to get together with you guys to talk about why I didn’t meet up with you. I’ll come over to Aunt Jo’s for lunch. Yeah, love you too, Mum.”

  Despite his exhaustion, Alec hadn’t felt this good since before Christmas. He showered quickly and headed across the city to see how Peter was doing.

  “Ah, Mr. Bannerman! Peter is doing much better today,” the woman at the monitoring station said cheerfully when he stopped at the nurse’s station. “If his temperature remains normal today, we may move him out of intensive care tomorrow.”

  “You don’t know how happy I am to hear that.” Alec was so relieved that he nearly winked at the nurse before he hurried to Peter’s room.

  Peter’s face lit up when he saw Alec, and he held out his arms for a hug. Gently gathering Peter into his arms, Alec murmured, “Peter, Peter, Peter,” softly and reverently, as if it were a prayer of thanks.

  “I’m here, love. I’m here,” Peter answered, emotion straining his already frail voice.

  “You were so weak, I was afraid you were slipping away,” Alec said thickly, and he held Peter even tighter, but when Peter suddenly started to gasp for breath, Alec let go of him as quickly as a man burned by a hot iron.

  “Oh God, did I hurt you?”

  “No, no. It’s okay,” Peter wheezed. “I just lost my breath, that’s all.”

  “Maybe some water will help. Can I get you some water?” Alec asked anxiously. Spotting a cup on the bed table, he picked it up and offered it to Peter. “Here, how about some of this? It should help.”

  “Ugh, that’s some kind of vitamin drink, but it’s vile,” Peter said, making a face.

  “You should probably drink it, vile or not.”

  Alec waved the cup in front of Peter, who turned his head away and empathically said, “No, I can’t.”

  “All right, how about some of this? It’s just some jelly,” Alec offered as a compromise. When Peter nodded, Alec spooned a bit of the fruit-flavored gelatin between Peter’s lips, and he continued to feed Peter until most of it was gone. Alec put the spoon down and picked up the cup again and coaxed Peter into giving it another go.

  “Ugh, it’s still vile. You try it,” Peter said after he tried the mystery beverage again.

  Alec shrugged and took a sip. Peter made a wheezing noise in a facsimile of a laugh when Alec made a face and quickly put it back on the table.

  “Blech, it tastes like coffee made with grass,” Alec declared in a voice that made Peter grin. Taking Peter’s hand, Alec said, “It’s so good to see you smile.”

  “Well, I’m feeling much better than yesterday,” Peter said. “You know, you don’t have to stay long. I’m really all right,” he added.

  “I want to. Besides, Gareth’s already cleared my schedule.”

  “It’s not that. I don’t want you wearing yourself out. You look shattered,” Peter whispered, already tiring from the brief visit.

  “It’s not me you should be worrying about. I’ll go when you go back to sleep. Now get some rest,” Alec told Peter gently before he gave him a kiss on the forehead.

  A LITTLE later, after Peter had fallen asleep, Alec went over to Aunt Jo’s to meet his parents as he had promised. He nervously knocked on Jo’s door and was relieved that his parents were still out.

  “God, Aunt Jo, look at me. I’m shaking like a leaf. I’ve rehearsed this speech a million times since I was seventeen, and now I feel like I don’t know what to say.”

  “Why don’t you begin by explaining to them why they haven’t heard from you for the last three days?” Jo said gently. “If it’ll make it easier for you, I can leave. I’ve made everyone some lunch, and you can all just help yourselves.”

  “No, I’d like you to stay. I may need someone here who’s on my side.”

  John and Fiona arrived at Jo’s flat a half an hour later, and the family sat down to lunch. While Fiona and John enjoyed their meal and talked about their morning’s activities, Alec played with his food and felt as if he might be sick at any moment. Finally, when Jo started to serve the cheese course at the end of the meal, Alec knew that it was time he got on with it.

  “Mum, Dad, I want to apologize for disappearing on you a couple of days ago,” Alec began as Jo discreetly slipped out of the dining room with a few of the dishes from the table. “Someone I care a great deal about was in an accident,” Alec started to say with a slight tremor in his voice. “I had to go to the hospital to be with him”—Alec cleared his throat before continuing—“because I was listed as his emergency contact.”

  Fiona wrinkled her brow in concern as Alec spoke, but John was poker-faced. “His name is Peter, and I’m his designated emergency contact,” Alec said lamely.

  Clearly not understanding what Alec was trying to say, Fiona said, “Oh dear, it sounds serious, is your friend going to be all right?”

  “He’s still in intensive care. But Mum, what I’m trying to say is”—Alec took a deep breath and said quickly—“I’m gay, and Peter is my fiancé.” In the awkward silence that followed Alec’s hurried announcement, there was a sound of crashing crockery, and Aunt Jo came running in from the kitchen.

  “When did you two get engaged?” Jo asked excitedly.

  “Gay! I knew it!” boomed his dad.

  “Gay! Alec, you know that we love you no matter what, but are you sure?” Fiona asked loudly, adding her voice to the cacophony.

  “One at a time,” Alec yelled. “One at a time!”

  Alec spoke when a stunned silence fell over the little group. “Mum and Dad, yes, I am gay. I’ve known that I was different since I was ten.” Alec’s composure began to fail him, and he continued tearfully, “Dad, I know I’ve already disappointed you by going into theater. If being gay makes you want to shun me, I’ll understand. I love you very much, and I wouldn’t want to hurt you for anything in the world, but I can’t lie to you either.”

  The whole family was in now tears. Alec’s mum was the first to hug him. “Darling, we love you no matter what. All we want is for you to be happy.”


  John blew his nose noisily and hugged Alec too. “I can’t say that this is all too surprising, son. When a good-looking lad like you didn’t even bring one girl home to meet us, I had my suspicions. Son, I may be disappointed that none of my children followed me into the family business, but I am in no way disappointed in you. I will be proud as a peacock when I see you on stage.”

  Alec swiped at his teary face with his palms and hugged both his parents again. “What about Albert?” he asked quietly. Jo, Fiona, and John practically sighed and rolled their eyes in unison at the mention of Alec’s brother. “We’ll get it sorted,” Fiona said with a laugh.

  “Well, now that we’ve got that bit of news out of the way,” Jo interjected, “you can answer my question: when did you two become engaged?”

  Alec laughed nervously and looked sheepish. “Well, I haven’t actually asked him yet. I just hope he’ll have me.” He looked at his family and said firmly, “I love him and want to spend the rest of my life with him.”

  Alec’s mum gave him a teary smile and hugged him again. “I’m happy that you’re happy. If you love Peter, we’ll love him too.”

  Chapter Ten

  ON THE following day, Peter was well enough for them to move him to a regular hospital room. As Alec sat with Peter, he occupied himself with the latest car magazine, but partway through the glossy publication, he heard a rustle and looked up to see a pair of violet eyes staring at him.

  “You’re supposed to be asleep,” Alec said with mock sternness.

  “I was. Now I’m enjoying the view,” Peter answered, flashing a flirty smile.

  Alec rolled his eyes. “Now I know you’re feeling better.”

  “I’m done sleeping. I’m bored and I want to go home. It sucks spending the Christmas holidays in hospital,” Peter said with a touch of petulance.

  Alec put down his magazine and stroked Peter’s jaw. “I want you home too, babe. It won’t be long now, I’m sure.”

  Rummaging around in the bag at his feet, Alec offered, “If you’re bored, I’ve got some other magazines here, or we can watch some telly.”

  Before Peter could answer, a perky middle-aged woman breezed into the room. “Hello, Peter, I’m Rosie. We’re going to get you up and moving today,” she said brightly.

  She continued to talk as she lowered the rail on Peter’s bed. “We’ll have you sit in this chair and see how you do. Then I’d like you to try and walk around a bit, all right? It really improves the recovery time when we get our patients up and moving as soon as possible.”

  Turning to Alec, she asked, “Are you here as friend or family, sweetheart?”

  “Peter’s my boyfr—partner.”

  Peter shot Alec a smile that lit up the room.

  “Excellent! We like to involve family in our patients’ recovery. You can take Peter for his walks. Just up and down the corridor, mind you, no nipping outside for a smoke,” she said in jest, shaking a finger at Alec.

  Returning her attention to her patient, she said, “Right, then, up we go,” and boosted Peter to a sitting position.

  Alec bit his lip apprehensively as Peter swung his legs around and dangled them over the side of the bed. He looked very pale, and his breathing was shallow. “You all right there, Peter?” Alec asked, peering into his partner’s face.

  “Should he be breathing like that?” Alec asked, pointing a finger at Peter but addressing Rosie.

  “Hey, I’m right here,” Peter snapped, “and I’m fine. Just give me a moment.”

  With a pair of safety-treaded slipper socks over his feet and a hand at either side of him, Peter tentatively slid off the bed. He gave a little squeak of surprise when his knees buckled, but they held him securely and set him upright.

  “Very good,” Rosie said encouragingly when Peter straightened up and held steady. Unfortunately, after Peter sat down in the chair by the bed, he took a deep breath and did a little circular rotation with his head. It was too late when Peter realized he should not have done that; the room tilted and stayed tilted.

  “Peter? What’s the matter, babe? Answer me.” A rushing sound had filled Peter’s head, and Alec’s question sounded as if it came from somewhere underwater.

  Peter couldn’t even hear his own voice. “I want to lie down,” he felt himself saying. The color had washed out of his vision, and he felt himself tipping out of the chair. Then came a muffled shout, Alec holding him tightly, a clatter of furniture, and faraway voices. When the color came back to his vision, Peter was flat on the floor with a shaken Alec kneeling next to him, cradling his head. Peter felt sick and sweaty and more than just a bit embarrassed.

  “What the fuck,” he muttered angrily at himself, trying to get up.

  Alec placed a restraining hand on Peter’s shoulder. “Easy now. Hold still until Rosie checks you over.”

  A moment later, Rosie came into view. “How are you feeling? Still woozy?” She prodded him gently here and there. “Does anything new hurt?” When Peter answered that he was feeling a bit sick but nothing new hurt, they decided it was safe enough to just get him up and put him back to bed.

  “Well, dearie, it was a start, anyway,” Rosie said as she smoothed down the blanket around Peter.

  “You can try again when you’re feeling steadier. But do not”—she waggled a finger at him—“try to get out of bed by yourself. You call for assistance or get your gorgeous partner there to help you,” she said, flashing Alec a smile.

  When they were alone again, Peter burst into tears. He wrung a bit of blanket in his hands and sobbed softly. “I’m sorry. I’m just useless,” he said in a small voice. “I just want to go home, but, but”—he swallowed a sob and hiccupped—“I’m just useless.”

  Alec watched Peter worrying the bit of cloth in his hands and ached for him. The hospital stay had reduced Peter, his rudder and his rock, to an emotional puddle.

  Alec stilled Peter’s twitching hands in his own; then, holding Peter’s face in his hands, he placed a kiss on each eyelid.

  “You daft sod. You’ve been barely conscious for the past two days. You can’t expect everything to be better so soon,” Alec gently admonished. After handing Peter a tissue, Alec just held him until he was calm again.

  “I’m sorry about the meltdown,” Peter said with an embarrassed glance at Alec. “It’s the pain medications. They make me feel like I’m in a fog. I hate it.”

  “I tell you what. We’ll try going for a walk later, when you’ve had a nap. And while you’re asleep, I’ll nip over to your flat and get you some clothes so we’ll be ready when it’s time for you to go home.”

  Peter brightened at the idea. “That would be super. And I want you to have a lie down too.”

  “Sure, babe, anything you’d like,” Alec said, tucking Peter in for a nap.

  Later that evening, Alec came back to the hospital toting a small bag with some clothes for Peter. When he arrived upstairs, he was happy to see that Peter was awake and watching television, and by the looks of what was on the bed table, they had given him some dinner, and he had eaten most of it.

  “Hi, babe, did you have a good afternoon?” Alec asked, giving Peter a peck on the cheek.

  “I did, actually. Jo and Mattie came by,” Peter answered with a wave of a hand at some flowers and balloons on the table next to the bed, “and I’ve been looking forward to going for a walk with you.” Peter beamed Alec a heart-melting smile.

  “Are you up to it?” Alec asked, slightly bedazzled by Peter’s flirting.

  “I’ve already been up to go to the loo without cracking my head. I think it’ll be safe to go for a walk.”

  Alec noted with satisfaction that Peter no longer had any tubes attached to him, and a little tug was all it took to get Peter to swing his legs over the side of the bed. When Alec knelt down to pull some slipper socks over Peter’s feet for the walk, he placed a feather-light kiss on each bare knee. Peter chuckled at the ticklish sensation. “I could move to a higher spot if you like,” Alec said suggestiv
ely.

  Peter’s eyes fairly flashed with mischief. “I’d love you to, but it would be terribly embarrassing if we had to explain why I passed out again.”

  “That would be awkward,” Alec said with laugh, and he got up off his knees to gallantly raise a bent elbow for Peter to take. “Care for a romantic stroll under the fluorescent lights, my love?” he asked, then held his breath as Peter gingerly slid off the bed. Alec relaxed when he felt Peter’s weight settle onto his arm.

  The two men walked arm in arm around the ward. Peter rested his head on Alec’s shoulder at intervals; they shared little smiles and flirted with each other like lovers reunited after a long separation. Alec even softly sang to Peter, who grinned at the romance and the silliness of it all. On their second circuit around the floor, Alec stopped suddenly and let out startled gasp.

  “What is it, love? Are you all right?” Peter asked, trying to follow Alec’s gaze.

  “It’s my mum and dad,” Alec whispered as he watched them heading for Peter's room. Peter gasped too and tried to pull away, but Alec wouldn’t let go of him.

  “No. It’s all right,” Alec said softly. “They’ve come to see you. I told them about us.”

  “Oh, Alec,” Peter breathed. “You did? Thank you.” Tears glistened in Peter’s eyes despite the grin plastered on his face.

  “Yeah, I told them yesterday. I was going to tell you about it tonight,” Alec said, losing himself in the violet pools of Peter’s eyes until Peter staggered and fell against the wall.

  “Ooh, are you okay?” Alec asked quickly.

  “Yeah, I’m fine,” Peter whispered, pulling Alec in for a kiss.

  Gingerly, Alec folded Peter into his arms and melted into the lips pressing against him. They left the world behind as they immersed themselves in each other and did not come back until they heard someone insistently clearing their throat.

  “Dad! Mum!” Alec exclaimed when he saw his dad standing there, clearing his throat. Peter was panting from the effort of the kiss and smiled wanly at them as he leaned heavily against the wall.